Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
