onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
