I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
