don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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