Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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