It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
