Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
