I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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