I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
