i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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