White coat. Heels.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
