I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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