funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I touched a dick in church today
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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