The maid of honor just puked.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize