I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
