the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Say something about gay babies.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize