All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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