So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
