yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
