party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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