Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
