My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
only if we run a train.
done.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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