never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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