Who wears a wallet chain?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
