The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
