Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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