your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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