All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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