So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
