just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
