You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sext me about skeletons
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
