I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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