Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
