You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
