I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
