i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
