i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
