you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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