my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
