I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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