the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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