Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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