Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
