Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
