And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
