Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
