Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize