I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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