Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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