If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
