any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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